Submit a rant

Online Rant accepts a handful of guest columns a month. If you have a specific British frustration that would make another reasonable person nod, we want to hear from you.

What we are looking for

• Everyday consumer friction: packaging, parking, ticketing, warranties, delivery slots, the small print.
• Bureaucracy that seems to exist to tire people out: form design, council letters, the hold music industry.
• Digital bother: cookie banners, updates that remove features, apps that want your location for no reason, chatbots that will not let you reach a human.
• Small-town civic life: planning notices in tiny font, signage that signposts nothing, shops that have stopped taking cash.
• Quiet acts of competence: a bit of good service, honest labelling, a well-run high street. We like those too.

What we decline

• Naming private individuals as targets. No personal attacks.
• Naming specific commercial businesses as rogues unless the complaint is already a matter of public record.
• Party-political commentary on individuals. We stay with the systems, not the people.
• Health, legal or financial recommendations that would be better handled by a professional.
• Gambling, adult, pharmaceutical or crypto promotion of any kind.
• AI-generated filler. We can tell. So can our readers.

Length and style

900 to 1,500 words is the house sweet spot. Shorter is fine if the point is sharp. We prefer plain British English, one clear argument, and specific examples over stock phrases. No em dashes in body text. No tidy little triplets. No in conclusion.

Original work and disclosure

We only run pieces that have not appeared elsewhere. If you have a relevant interest in the subject, declare it in the pitch. If you work for a company you are writing about, we will not run it.

How to pitch

Email [email protected]. Subject line: Pitch: your angle, in eight words. In the body, three or four sentences: what the piece is about, why it is a rant and not a rave, who you are (one line), and a link to anything you have written before. A finished draft is fine but not expected.

Payment

We are a small operation. We discuss fees privately once we have agreed on a piece. We do not publish prices on this page because they vary with commissioning and length.

Be specific. Be fair. Be funny if you can.